Gothic Love - Why People Attract to the Gothic Subculture

There are many people out there whom claim to be "Gothic", but what does that really mean? Are their really any rules that a true "Goth" lives by? I think not. In my humble opinion, the only thing that pertains to any supreme Goth of pure truth is "creativity" and "originality". Those two words may sound alike, but really they aren't.

People are attracted to the Goth subculture for all sorts of reasons. Some are there because of their dark and brooding personalities, some because they really like the music, some because they like the clothes. I suspect that all of the above figure to some extent or other in most Goths. In order to show that one reason is somehow more authentic than the others, or that some Goths are more truly gothic than others, you'll have to import your criterion of selection from outside the gothic subculture.

For to the extent that there's an immanent criterion of being a Goth, it's a fairly flexible criterion, one that won't affect the radical purge of the gothic subculture of which you seem oddly desirous. And I should think that the homogenization of the gothic subculture that would result from the application of such an authenticity test would be the death of the subculture, a death that is in no interesting way gothic.

I think it's very true that Gothic love is a label often applied from the outside rather than from within. Part of it is because the Goth subculture tends towards valuing individuality (despite the outward appearance the black dress code sometimes conveys) and so tends to attract people who tend to reject labels as too simplistic.

The kiss

It was still quite light out of doors, but inside with the curtains drawn and the smouldering fire sending out a dim, uncertain glow, the room was full of deep shadows.

Brantain sat in one of these shadows; it had overtaken him and he did not mind. The obscurity lent him courage to keep his eyes fastened as ardently as he liked upon the girl who sat in the firelight.

She was very handsome, with a certain fine, rich coloring that belongs to the healthy brune type. She was quite composed, as she idly stroked the satiny coat of the cat that lay curled in her lap, and she occasionally sent a slow glance into the shadow where her companion sat. They were talking low, of indifferent things which plainly were not the things that occupied their thoughts. She knew that he loved her a frank, blustering fellow without guile enough to conceal his feelings, and no desire to do so. For two weeks past he had sought her society eagerly and persistently. She was confidently waiting for him to declare himself and she meant to accept him. The rather insignificant and unattractive Brantain was enormously rich; and she liked and required the entourage which wealth could give her.

During one of the pauses between their talk of the last tea and the next reception the door opened and a young man entered whom Brantain knew quite well. The girl turned her face toward him. A stride or two brought him to her side, and bending over her chair before she could suspect his intention, for she did not realize that he had not seen her visitor he pressed an ardent, lingering kiss upon her lips.

Brantain slowly arose; so did the girl arise, but quickly, and the newcomer stood between them, a little amusement and some defiance struggling with the confusion in his face.

"I believe," stammered Brantain, "I see that I have stayed too long. I had no idea that is, I must wish you good-by." He was clutching his hat with both hands, and probably did not perceive that she was extending her hand to him, her presence of mind had not completely deserted her; but she could not have trusted herself to speak.

"Hang me if I saw him sitting there, Nattie! I know it's deuced awkward for you. But I hope you'll forgive me this once this very first break. Why, what's the matter?"

"Don't touch me; don't come near me," she returned angrily. "What do you mean by entering the house without ringing?"

"I came in with your brother, as I often do," he answered coldly, in self-justification. "We came in the side way. He went upstairs and I came in here hoping to find you. The explanation is simple enough and ought to satisfy you that the misadventure was unavoidable. But do say that you forgive me, Nathalie," he entreated, softening.

"Forgive you! You don't know what you are talking about. Let me pass. It depends upon a good deal whether I ever forgive you."

At that next reception which she and Brantain had been talking about she approached the young man with a delicious frankness of manner when she saw him there.

"Will you let me speak to you a moment or two, Mr. Brantain?" she asked with an engaging but perturbed smile. He seemed extremely unhappy; but when she took his arm and walked away with him, seeking a retired corner, a ray of hope mingled with the almost comical misery of his expression. She was apparently very outspoken.

"Perhaps I should not have sought this interview, Mr. Brantain; but but, oh, I have been very uncomfortable, almost miserable since that little encounter the other afternoon. When I thought how you might have misinterpreted it, and believed things" hope was plainly gaining the ascendancy over misery in Brantain's round, guileless face "Of course, I know it is nothing to you, but for my own sake I do want you to understand that Mr. Harvy is an intimate friend of long standing. Why, we have always been like cousins like brother and sister, I may say. He is my brother's most intimate associate and often fancies that he is entitled to the same privileges as the family. Oh, I know it is absurd, uncalled for, to tell you this; undignified even," she was almost weeping, "but it makes so much difference to me what you think of of me." Her voice had grown very low and agitated. The misery had all disappeared from Brantain's face.

"Then you do really care what I think, Miss Nathalie? May I call you Miss Nathalie?" They turned into a long, dim corridor that was lined on either side with tall, graceful plants. They walked slowly to the very end of it. When they turned to retrace their steps Brantain's face was radiant and hers was triumphant.

Harvy was among the guests at the wedding; and he sought her out in a rare moment when she stood alone.

"Your husband," he said, smiling, "has sent me over to kiss you."

A quick blush suffused her face and round polished throat. "I suppose it's natural for a man to feel and act generously on an occasion of this kind. He tells me he doesn't want his marriage to interrupt wholly that pleasant intimacy which has existed between you and me. I don't know what you've been telling him," with an insolent smile, "but he has sent me here to kiss you."

She felt like a chess player who, by the clever handling of his pieces, sees the game taking the course intended. Her eyes were bright and tender with a smile as they glanced up into his; and her lips looked hungry for the kiss which they invited.

"But, you know," he went on quietly, "I didn't tell him so, it would have seemed ungrateful, but I can tell you. I've stopped kissing women; it's dangerous."

Well, she had Brantain and his million left. A person can't have everything in this world; and it was a little unreasonable of her to expect it.

Who's The Boss In The Family

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. "Put these on," he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. "There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big," she said. "Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family," replied the husband.

Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, "Put these on." The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, "There's no way I can get into these." To which the wife replied, "You're darn right! At least not until you change your attitude!"

Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet - A Forgotten Love Story?

When one thinks of Pride and Prejudice, especially in terms of it being a love story, everyone immediately thinks of Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. While I am not taking anything away from what a great love story this is there is another love story Pride and Prejudice which is often forgotten and overlooked and that is the story of Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet.

When Mr Bingley and Jane meet for the very first time at a ball in Meryton it is definitely a case of love at first sight as far as he is concerned and this is always a romantic start to a love story that has a happy ending. He is straight away struck by her beauty and immediately asks her to dance once they have been introduced. He does dance with some other young ladies that evening but it is obvious that Jane is far and above his favourite as he dances with her more than any other young lady. He communicates as much to Mr Darcy that evening by saying that she is the most beautiful creature that he has ever beheld and later defies Mr Darcy to make him think ill of Miss Bennet. It may not have been a case of love at first sight for Jane but it is clear that she likes him very much as she speaks of him in a very positive light to Elizabeth the next day saying that.

Bingley and Jane see much of each other in the forthcoming weeks and it is obvious that they are both falling in love with each other and all believe that an engagement between them is imminent. Mr Bingley hardly notices any other young lady and we are told that several young ladies were very put out at the Netherfield ball as Mr Bingely did not ask them to dance.

Mr Bingley's biggest fault is that he is too easily persuaded by his sisters and Mr Darcy. When Bingley leaves Netherfield to go to London for a few days his sisters and Mr Darcy, who are quite concerned about his affection for Jane Bennet, see the opportunity and follow him to London. They persuade him that Jane is not in love with him, convince him to stay in London for the winter and conceal from him the fact that Jane, herself is in London.

We are not told anything about Mr Bingley from the time he leaves Netherfield in November to the time he meets Elizabeth in Derbyshire in the summer. All we know is that he was in London for the majority of that time. In London he would have gone to many balls and assemblies and met many charming young ladies and yet he cannot forget Jane Bennet and we know that as hard as she tries she cannot forget him. When Mr Bingley sees Elizabeth in Derbyshire she is pleased to see he knows exactly how long it is since they have seen each other as the last time he saw her was also the last time he saw Jane. He also tries to glean from Elizabeth as much information about Jane as possible without asking after her directly. When he does return to Netherfield he visits the Bennets often and it is not long before he proposes to Jane confessing that he has always loved her. She has no hesitation in accepting as she has never stopped loving him.

A wonderful love story, one of true love that does not die. It contradicts the saying 'out of sight, out of mind'. Mr Bingley would have had many distractions in London but from what we learn later in the story is that his love for Jane was so strong that she was never far from his thoughts.

Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet's love story does affect the better known one of Elizabeth and Mr Darcy. Mr Bingley introduces Jane to his sisters at the ball in Meryton and they soon invite her to Nethferfiled which is when she falls ill and this results in Elizabeth spending several days at Netherfield to nurse her sister but she also does get to know Mr Darcy in this time. Elizabeth learns that Mr Darcy is the one who persuaded Bingley not to marry Jane and this is one of the reasons she gives for rejecting his first proposal. Finally, because Mr Bingley is so eager to see much of Jane when he returns to Hertfordshire and then becomes engaged to her it means Mr Darcy and Elizabeth see much of each other and because Jane and Bingley are not interested in anyone but each other it also means Mr Darcy and Elizabeth have much time alone together which does result in Mr Darcy's second proposal.

So while the story of Elizabeth and Mr Darcy is a great and famous love story let us not forget that of Jane and Mr Bingley - a charming, romantic story of undying love that also had many effects on the love story we all know so well.

A Short Love Story

Le voyage - A short love story

The seas have calmed down after a stormy night. The waves have bid the sand back ashore. The sun has risen without any struggle; the fear of the unknown has walked past the dawn.

She walks slowly with her hair swiftly swaying with the cool cherry filled scent breeze marking the start of summer. She feels as light as a ball of cotton dancing into the midst of wilderness. A voice inside her heart is leading her to the same spot by the beach where she thought she would never set her feet again; but today is the day, she knows it. She believes she's ready, ready to face the past that slammed the door of a starry future, a future she thought was the realization of her dream from a not so distant present.

She stops where two gigantic beach stones are firmly set. She closes her eyes just as when the sun starts to rush below a layer of clouds signaling the nearing twilight.

"Find me if you can!" Those were the last words she heard from Brei, the only man whom she ever loved. They were high school sweethearts. Brei was the only man she thought could make funny faces but still looked so dashingly handsome. There were days he would mimic what he called, a sick monkey after eating loads of bananas, a dehydrated fish, a starving crocodile.....and the list goes on.

It was also the beginning of summer. It was their first summer break on their first year in a university. They were both taking up Political Science; a course they believed was the best to prepare them for a Law degree. They both wanted to become lawyers after their respective fathers. She and Brei were full of dreams, prepared to defy what could the world wrongly delivers to them.

The sun was just about to set when she and Brei decided to go by the beach after a short exchange of stories they have recently read. They were running and laughing, chasing each other as they walked toward the beach until they reached the site where the two distinct rocks rest. The water was high that day, the waves were restless, but the two young lovers didn't mind what was going on around them. They just wanted to enjoy the priceless beauty of the world going by.

The day seemed endless. The angels in heaven could hear their laughter and were enticed to play as well. It was Brei's turn to hide. She closed her eyes and started counting," one two, three, hide quick for the goddess will turn you to stone once she catches you amiss!"

"Brei....yahoo! I'm coming! Her voice started to tremble after a few minutes of desperation for not being able to find Brei. Few minutes became an hour... and more hours... Playful shouts had become screams until the screams became sobs, sobs that then became a complete silence. She could not remember how she got back to her parents' house and the rest. She heard screams of deep pain, sobs rooted from the heart, but she could not tell where they were coming from, Brei was gone, and she never saw him again. Her heart was looking for answers, but her questions remained unanswered and got washed away by the furious waves.

She knows deep in her heart that today is the time to let go. Let the pain from the past be cast away; to move on to a place she believes could make her whole again, to a place where in time she may see Brei again; to a place where she could play with the angels who played with her and Brei on that fateful day. A place where there's no room for sorrow.

Brei is standing by the shore, flowers on his hand. "I love you, goodbye and till we meet again..."

It's been a year since his beloved was washed away with the rushing torrent of waves. They were playing hide and seek and he hid hastily behind a dilapidated hut near the beach; he didn't realise that his ladylove would go and search for him behind the "couple rocks", the two rocks firmly seated on the deeper part of the sea. He thought he had been hiding so long that he emerged himself only to find out that there's no one searching for him anymore. Everything started like a dream but ended a nightmare. She's gone, gone forever, gone with the waves on that unforgettable day.

Brei throws the flowers with the hope that she will get them through the angels that played with them on that day. "Goodbye my love...I love you forever and beyond..." Brei turns his back and starts to walk by the beach towards his home. He knows he has to go on, to follow "their dreams," to walk the road for a journey, the journey that he now has to finish on his own.

Teenage Love in the Shadow of Dating

Many teenagers are the ones who face the mistake of mistranslating the feelings of other people well to a point of believing that the female or male they are dating is in love with them, or they feel really in love with. It is something that they miss usually and are not able to distinguish between lust, love and infatuation. This may happen as they are passing through crucial passage in life.

It is important for teenagers who are within the precincts of dating to remember that those strong relationships that are good balanced have always outweighed the worse aspects of life usually. You must know that you are a teenager and that usually the kind of relationship you have has the tendency to develop some negative aspects which are easily learned from.

It is a sure journey of discovery where you get to find that person you will start dating and spend with the longest period of your life. Love is just that you will always be meeting suitors if you don't find one first. Most of them will just be lusting after your physical well-being and not after the essence of loving each other. Lust is something that has made many teenage love relationships to reach a certain level and then hit a snag. This usually happens after the lust has waned and since there was no love; misery and breakup are left to roam.

The fact is that in a dating relationship, there is a clear distinction that exists between being in love with a man or woman and the act of loving a person. This could be elaborated by the way you depict your love as an entity of desire as compared to the kind of love which we manifest to our parents. It is also different from the person a lover meets or the way women care for their hair rather than shaving it.

The feeling of someone being in love in dating relationship with you is a sacred thinking that comes endowed with uniqueness in the life of every soul on the face of the earth. Usually, the feeling of being in the hands of love means the desire that you have to begin having physical intimacy with that person you are falling in love with. Usually, there is a feeling of being elated or acute joy every time that you happen to be within the line of the person you are in love with. You feel being divinely connected with the person. This kind of love sometimes tastes like the cream of fate or as if you have been familiar with the person in a way, something that make you conjure a feeling of reincarnation.

Nevertheless, make your dating relationships as normal as possible and do not take it as if you are entitled to a person with whom, you can fall in love with. It is not such a healthy thing if you think that you are connected to the other person in a divine way.

Lost Love

This is a personal account of a ghost story that occured over 10 years ago.
This "true experince" firml supported my theory that our departed loved ones can convey messages through dreams.

Back in 1989, being a fresh graduate Psychology graduate, I landed a job in
the personnel department in one of the goverment offices in Quezon City. A male co-worker, Jun, was 11 years older than me. He became one of my friends while working there. Jun was king, loving, and romantic. He was the breadwinner of his family. His parents ang relatives liked me a lot. Being single and unattached, he courted me in 1990. I accepted his marraige proposal during the latter part of that year.

My parents did not approve of our relationship and when the first quarter of 1991 came, my parents made me quit my job. My dad, being a military man, even threatened Jun to Jun to stay away from me. To make our long story short, I left my job. I lost track of Jun I bussied myself with the family business. Basically, I went on with my life and tried to forget about him.

On the morning of June 2, 1994 I recieved a telegram from his aunt, saying that Jun had died the day before June1, 1994. Shocked I crumpled the short note and hurriedly phoned his aunt for confirmation. She told me that when we parted, Jun resigned from his job and drunk heavily each day. He naglected his death as well as his body. Pneumonia had caused his sudden death. "You know Jun. Everyday and up to his remaining hours, all her wanted was to see you. During his final moments, while suffering from delirium, he even told us that he still loves you very much," Jun's aunt said.

Sadly, my parents wouldn't allow me to go to his wake. I mourned quietly inside my room. There even came a point where I convinced myself that he wasn't dead.

On January 1995, just before my birthday, Jun visited me in a dream. I dreamed that I was inside a hospital room. I was wearing a hospital gown and I was sitting at the foot of my bed. Jun suddenly appeared before me, clothed in bright lights. We communicated mentally. I told him it wasn't true that he was gone. He replied that I must accept the fact that he was already dead but it didn't mean that he as leaving me. "I will always be beside you, gaurding you," he said

I cried saying, "I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to fight for our relationship."

He comforted me and soothed me by shrouding me with his bright light. The bliss I felt was interrupted by voice calling hi name "It's time for me to go," he told me. "But what about me?" I asked, tears in my eyes. " I will be here for you always," he replied,"and I will be waiting for you there. And don't ever forget that love you very much."

After saying this, he vanished before my eyes. I woke up crying. After this accident, I finished began to accept his death. And whenever I'm depressed I feel his presence beside me I know somehow out there he's still waiting patienly for me.

How to attract a girl or boy or love relationship

How do you attract the woman of your dreams, how do you attract your dream man. These are questions which are often asked and people are always on the lookout for solutions.

For woman, you need to show your confident when and do not be shy. Build a friendly environment but not too friendly. be sure you are putting your efforts in the right man, dont waste your efforts and also be sure to stop him from playing games with you and settle down. These critical steps need methods which you can trust. And also let him know that he is with a godness, a lovely princess worth defending from other knights. The next important thing is how to get unconditional love from the men you desire and wanted to attract. Once you are able to master these few steps, you will be able to attract the man you desire and love to your side.

For men, how to you attract the woman or girl you desire and like? Your dream girl? Remember the girl in the magazine, the girl who walked by with a smile, the girl in the parking lot ...... How do you attract her to you? Firstly you need to understand that woman and girls have a gauge, the very first encounter with you, she will gauge how suitable are. So you got to show her that you are different from the other guys, and you got to impress her, these are the steps which you need to do. And also how to attract her attention to you so that she thinks that you are a rare catch! To do that one of the method you need to do is your dress, how you dress up, your style, your tie, be neat, your hair, teeth, the way you speak, etc. Practice, practice and more practice.

These are just some of the steps which you ladies and gentlemen can do to really attract the person you desire, to attract the girl of your dream, to attract your man, the prince charming where so many others are also wanting. How to attract them?

Love and Relationships

Are you in a committed healthy romantic relationship that's very good for not only you, but equally for the person you love. Love and relationships are to become made for ever, not only a few days. Take a look into getting your life much more enjoyable and purposeful by realizing how to act when it comes to those you care most for.

The greatest thing to do in a romantic relationship is to care for the other person´s needs ahead of your own. Being selfless is the core of what love is all about. If you're having issues with selfishness you need to deal with them successfully ahead of coming into a marriage or other serious personal relationship. Why pull another individual into your issues? In the event you really desire to help them, you'll need to put them before yourself. This suggests sacrifice. Selfish individuals aren't prepared to make sacrifices for other people. If you're this way, save the individual you claim to adore the painfulness of finding out.

An additional significant factor of love and relationships will be the neglected virtue of commitment. Society tends to make it difficult for a guy and a lady to maintain the dedication of holy matrimony. Within the United states of america one is actually compelled to fork out much more taxes should you be married than should you just stay together. But what does "staying together" tell society? It tells the world you desire the pleasures and advantages of matrimony with no dedication. Again, this really is selfish. Don't forget; love isn't self-centered. Do the right thing. In case you genuinely would like to live for a partner, make an open public commitment of holy matrimony and get the advantages of a clear conscience as well.

For anyone who is seeking to become married to end your being lonely, this is a self-centered reason. Are you going into a marriage to help make yourself happier? How many individuals are doing this very thing and rendering their lives and the lives of others unpleasant during the process? Love and relationships are created to be mutually satisfying to both persons. If one side starts to have unrealistic expectations, it could be a ticking time bomb of feelings. What will happen when both parties have unrealistic expectations? This really is a formula for failure. When coming into critical personal romantic relationships, it can be very good to have wide open communication channels. You ought to discuss all the expectations you might have plus the other half must do likewise. The word "all" is emphasized in that previous sentence. Money, sex, the long term, kids and any other important topic should be brought out in to the discussion and frankly pointed out. Getting transparent and sincere may be the greatest policy in romance.

Love and relationships are to be held in high esteem when they're seen within the bonds of marriage. This partnership will be the bonding fabric of humankind. In case you mess it up, you aren't doing anybody a favour. About three of five marriages in the Usa are faltering, according to available data. Do not be a contributor of this break down of the social structure.

In case you are not one to keep your word, especially in marriage, it's best to keep out of the romantic relationship. Get your life in order. Grow to be the person that others can model their existence around. Later on, enter into a meaningful romantic relationship that makes the other person the object of importance. Be selfless and become happy.

Love Poetry as the Spice of Love

Love can be expressed in so many ways. This is because it is a special feeling that calls for a special way of expression. People show their love through words of song and even poetry. Love poetry is very popular and, it is one of the sweetest ways to tell a person that you love them. Love poetry can be found in books, papers, Internet and other places. There are so many love poems that have not yet been written down and are just spoken orally. Poetry comes from the heart and, there is nothing better than this. There are so many collections of great love poetry of all times on the Internet. The following is just an example of a great poem that best captures the spirit of love. The poem is by E.E Cummings and it is titled 'if there are any heavens'. The following are some of the greatest lines from the poem. 'Somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience; your eyes have their silence'. The poem continues like this 'in your most frail gestures, are things that enclose me, or which they cannot touch because they are so near'.

It goes on to reveal the inner feeling that can only describe a feeling that has been felt by the best of us which is love. Love poetry will do several things to the reader or listener. First, it will entertain. Beauty of language is observed in good poetry, and you can be sure to find them very entertaining. The other thing is the teaching part. Many poems of love come with a story of love behind them. It brings out experiences of love and what the aftermath was. Love is a positive thing but, we can learn all the faces that love assumes. If you want to learn some tips on how to have love in your life, make sure you listen to great poetry that is inspired by love. They can also be a point of release. Some poems have very sad love stories and, you can just listen to all the emotions playing out and identify with it. This is if you are going or have gone through a similar experience. This will facilitate your healing as you get to explore how you feel and deal with it. Love poetry can do so much more for you. If you wish to express your love to someone through poetry, it is paramount that be very honest and creative. It takes a lot of confidence to go ahead and write a poem and, you should make a point of preparing yourself well.

Do not copy a poem rather, let it inspire you. When you come up with your personal stuff, you will be in a position to make the impression you need. Most people are looking to be perfect and this cannot happen. You just need to be yourself and communicate the message well. There is no doubt that you are going to get what you want. Many men write their partners love poems and this is also the case for girls. This way, relationships are spiced up and, many are happy and content. The poetry will only make your life better for you and your loved one.

Love Stories and Romantic Novels

Anything is possible in love. Imagine this situation. A doctor falls in love with a nurse who works closely with him in the local hospital. Both start dating, but somewhere the doctor realizes he doesn’t love the nurse anymore. The heartbroken nurse is looking for someone to mend her broken heart. She ends up meeting the doctor’s cousin somewhere. Before you know it, the cousin and the nurse start dating. They both realize they love each other, think about getting married, and everybody is happy. End of story. Think it was a stupid plot? Well, think again.
The story mentioned above is actually the plot of a best selling novel. If one has to break down the plots of most romantic novels, they would actually seem quite silly. So why then are most of the romantic novels in the world such bestsellers then? Because love sells. Love stories simply stand the test of time, and give generations hope on which to build their perfect love story. The earliest love stories were often told in the form of songs, or ballads passed down from one generation to another, till they were written as stories to read. Then came the immortal ‘Romeo and Juliet’, which gave birth to the notion that dying for love was a heroic act. One would find similar love stories from across the world, such as Laila- Majnu or Heer- Ranjha. Each celebrating love.
The truth is that love stories will love on. Boys will hope they find a woman who will stand by them and girls will keep hoping they find men who will die for them. It is not for nothing that generations have grown up on Mills and Boons, and Danielle Steele. It is all part of the race in the search for the perfect love story.

Relationship Advice for Women – Positive Affirmations for Love!

I think it would be fare to say that everyone has attempted to make a few changes in their life at one point or another. And, I’m willing to bet that you have as well. Perhaps you’ve tried to increase your self-esteem, eliminate your fears, achieve financial freedom or attract love? In response to those common aspirations, many folks have turned to positive affirmations as a solution. However, I must confess, there has been a plethora of inaccurate and disingenuous information published regarding positive affirmations. Today, I’m going to cut through all the jargon and give you the straight and skinny. Bottom line, an affirmation is a tool. It can be an effective tool, but it is still just a tool nonetheless. And, if you attempt to use that tool without addressing your core fears and insecurities, you will fail! Think of it like this. The affirmation is the tool or hammer. But, if you attempt to swing it with a broken arm, you won’t drive the nails home. Therefore, I’m going to show you how to build a strong arm so you can effectively swing the hammer. To accomplish this, I’m going to use a bit of an allegoric exercise.

You may recall the old SNL skit called “Daily Affirmations” that was performed by Al Franken, whereby he played a motivational, self-help character by the name of Stuart Smalley. The character was intended to be a spoof on individuals who are obsessed with the actual act of going to therapy. Stuart became quite famous for directing folks to look in the mirror and affirm the following coined phrase “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone It, people like me!” I’m going to take Stuart Smalley’s skit a bit further. For the sake of teaching you how to use affirmations effectively, let’s add a second mirror. OK! So now we’ve got two mirrors. How about if we call the first (PAM) for positive affirmation mirror? And, let’s call the second (FEM) for Fear and Ego Mirror.

OK! Let’s begin the exercise by defining the goal. For this particular example, let’s pretend that you are attempting to attract love. To get started with the exercise, I’d like you to walk over to (PAM) and look directly in the mirror. Next, repeat the following affirmation three times:

“I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone It, people love me for who I am!”

To proceed, walk over to (FEM) and look directly into the mirror. As your gazing into your eyes, a voice suddenly emerges from the subconscious abyss. It’s your ego, and he’s by no means an optimist! Immediately, he begins to pummel you with the following barrage of negativity:

“You’re not good enough, you’re stupid, and doggone it, no one loves you because you’re a loser!”

OK! Now, head back over to (PAM) and repeat the following affirmation three times:

“I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone It, people love me for who I am!”

Next, walk back over to (FEM,) and get ready to brace yourself for the following:

“You’re not good enough, you don’t deserve a loving partner, and doggone it, no one loves you because you’re not pretty or smart!”

Are you beginning to grasp the concept? This counterproductive cycle can be repeated indefinitely, and on some occasions it is, without dealing with (FEM) or the ego. At the end of the day, you can verbally affirm anything you’d like, but it won’t come to light if your subconscious, self-limiting beliefs are standing in the way. If you want to strengthen your arm, you must relinquish your fears and insecurities. You’ve got to take a course of action that is a direct and opposite response to the fear. For example, if you’ve been struggling with personal identity issues, you’ve probably spent most of your time pleasing others, often at your own peril. Basically, stop appeasing others and start pleasing yourself! If you question your intelligence or worthiness, this is likely a result of the unfettered opinions of others. Stop listening to such verbal garbage by kindly informing the guilty party or parties that it’s inappropriate. And moreover, tell them that you don’t really care what they think! Truthfully, what you think is the only thing that matters!

In summary, positive affirmations can be great tools, but there’s really no escaping the inner journey. You can use affirmations like “I am attracting the right person with the right qualities. He/she will appear when I am ready,” however, to make it effective you must correct the issues at the core. Do you possess the qualities that you’re describing? If not, it’s ludicrous to assume that you will attract a partner that does – merely by stating your intention! In essence, love is like a magnet. Consequently, it can not be forced or chased. When you get right down to it, attracting love or a soul mate is not complicated. However, it does take courage. And, that is why most folks are unsuccessful. Bottom line, you must relinquish your fears and insecurities and grow to love yourself. When you accomplish that task, love will find you!

Relationship Help With Infidelity

We all know that infidelity is really a significant offense. Conventional wisdom states that individuals ought to split up if one of them has been unfaithful. It doesn't need to be that way if both parties are willing to do what it takes. Restoring belief in relationships isn't simple, but it could be carried out. Here are some ideas on how to make that happen.

The primary thing to consider as you go to work on restoring trust is that it requires changes in the actions and attitudes of both individuals within the relationship. Even after something as significant as an affair, a relationship could be saved. The key is to begin with the little amount you believe in each other, and continuing from there.

The place to start to rescue your relationship is by asking this question. What went wrong? Be honest. Be brutally honest. Is one partner falling out of love? Are things getting too boring? The only way you can fix the problem is by understanding what is causing it.

For example, what was your partner looking for in the other person by having the affair? Is it something you aren't providing? If you can figure out what seemed to be the cause, you at least have a chance to work on individually and together. Talk about these things. When you are working on saving your relationship, you have to consider underlying causes as best you can. Then you can work on it.

The next step would be to begin really gaining some trust once again. 1 of the greatest points you are able to do is assume the other individual is being honest. By performing this, you'll get trust in return. Of course, that's simple to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here would be to take little actions. Tell your mate the truth, that if you'll meet at a restaurant at 5 PM, then be there by 5 PM. It doesn't need to be something large, just begin demonstrating your ability to stick to your word.

More than that, these little actions begin to accumulate and build on each other. But you should keep performing it, and usually do what you say. Excuses will not cut it at this point. Actually, if there is any possibility, any doubt in your mind whatsoever, that you can trust each other, you should keep working on doing the little things to build it.

Restoring belief in love in relationships isn't a simple task. And also the much more severe the reason for the lack of faith in each other, the harder it is going to be to regain it. Maintain your focus on trust, and keep taking those little actions, and soon you are going to be happy again.

See a marriage counselor also. Get some help. They can really help you to work out the issues between you. But if you work at it, there are things you can do to save your marriage.

Long Distance Love

I am a young woman 29 years old, single with two children, living in the United States, and I have met a man from Germany online. We have spent many hours "talking", sharing photos of ourselves, our children, our friends and talked about everything under the sun. We have become very close, and have let down our respective walls with each other.

One evening, unknown to me, my friend fell ill while online, and was taken to the hospital having had heart failure at 37yrs old. I messaged him - with no result. His friends immediately got online to let me know what had happened, and after asking them numerous times, they actually called me several times to tell me what was going on. I guess I just needed to hear a real voice of someone who actually knew him. I was online with them when the doctor was there with him, asking the doctor questions for all of them, as well as for myself. Since then, I have become close to most of them as well.

When he was well enough to be online when I could be, we again became closer and closer. He will be here in the States in May, being able to spend some time here with me. He told me that it will be difficult to leave me, and then asked me, if I and my children would go back to Germany with he and his son. I have seriously thought about it, but am a little afraid of what I would have to do to make this happen. We are both getting negative opinions from family and friends, and are not sure of the steps to take in order to be together. I feel that if I have found someone I would be happy with, my soul mate as some would say, I should pursue it. But at the same time have heard all the horror stories. I suppose in writing to you, I am seeking some advice, or perhaps love stories of those who have been in this situation.

It is truly possible to care for someone albeit online and long distance!

True Love Story

True Love Story

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?

"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"

"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."

"You mean Dr. Shu?"
Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.
"Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?"
"Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy."
They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.
"You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well."
"Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you."
The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.
"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.

"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.
"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting
for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.

"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

An year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.

"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is. "You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"

"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."

"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."

"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.

"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"

"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."

"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.

"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."

"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.

"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"

"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.

"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.

That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.

"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.

"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.
"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."

"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him. "Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.

I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would
not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.

Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom. Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together. After graduation, I became an intern. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger
apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other. In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."

He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.

I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.

Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."

As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love. I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die! I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.

"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."

Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card. "I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.

And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.

They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.

Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.

Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.

I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?

I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.

We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?

With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

"Hwei."

That's my name.

"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."

I received it and it's so beautiful.

"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."

Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.

"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."

Good that you're admitting it.

"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."

I waited so many years for those words.

"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."

You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?

"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."

Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.
"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"

That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.

As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.

The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.

Only love can make a memory. Only love can make a moment last. You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung. and I remember you then when love was all, all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.

"Will you marry me?"

When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.

Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.

So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."

I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."

Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."

I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.

I answered you. What about you?